Stairway To Heaven
by Henneth Laer
Summary: Dean/Castiel AU SLASH. Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak have been dating since they were in high school. They manage to hold it all together, but that's before their world turns upside-down and Castiel gets deathly ill. Can Dean cope with it? Dean's POV.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Stairway To Heaven

**Author: **Henneth Laer

**Rating: **M

**Pairings: **Dean/Castiel, Sam/Jess

**Warnings: **AU. M/M sex, strong language (in some chapters), homophobia, sick!Cas.

**Summary: ** Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak have been dating since they were in high school. They manage to hold it all together, but that's before their world turns upside-down and Castiel gets deathly ill. Can Dean cope with it? Dean's POV.

**A/N: **This is completely unbeta-ed. All mistakes that I make (and there will be LOADS of those, I guess) are mine. Don't judge too hard, English is not my mother language and I try, but I can't be fluent enough at it.

The fanfic is set in a normal, non-SPN world.

I'm writing this as a supporting gift for a friend of mine who gave me the general idea for the plot. Some of it came to me in a dream. This is the first time I'm writing slash of any kind. R&R and I hope you enjoy it.

**Stairway To Heaven**

_Chapter One_

Dean Winchester was scared to death.

It wasn't like him. Wasn't right. He was never scared, _ever_. Even when life full-on turned against him, when everything he had and loved was going to crash, he didn't even whimper, never took one step back, never flinched or tried to chicken out. This wasn't the Winchester way of doing things. Not even when his younger brother, Sam, broke his leg when he was six years old and Dean had to carry him all the way home. Not when their house caught fire, because his mother had forgotten the microwave on. Not even when his family felt apart. He never felt fear, he was always concentrated, mind sharp and reflexes – quick, trying to find the best way out of the situation. 'It's okay to be scared.' His mother had told him once. 'It shows you're human. It shows that you care.' Dean didn't take it that way. He considered fear a weakness. And Dean Winchester would rather bite of his leg than confess any weakness he has.

But right now, his thoughts were nothing like that.

He didn't care about the Winchester way.

He didn't care about showing weakness.

He didn't even care about himself or what happened to him from this moment on.

All of his attention was focused on his lover's lifeless body in his hands. As he held him tighter, rocking slightly back and forth and waiting for the ambulance to arrive, he simply didn't care.

Dean Winchester was scared shitless.

**SHSHSHSHSHSH**

_12 months earlier._

'Hey, you ready?'

Castiel leaned through the doorway, a light smile on his lips.

'Not really. My hair is giving me hell again.'

'Want me to come help you?'

'Help? From you? No, thanks.' Dean heard a chuckle, coming from the bathroom. 'I'll be good to go in a minute.'

The Winchester fidgeted nervously, glancing at his watch. _7:45_. _Damn, _he thought, _we're going to be late. _He hated being late. Especially being late to see his younger brother, who he hasn't met in, what, 5 years since he left for Stanford?

Actually, Sam's arrival was anything but expected. Sure, they called each other occasionally, his younger brother had gotten used to relying on him about sharing, since he never could do it with their father. It was always small talk, them both constantly trying to ignore the elephant in the room and speaking of everyday things, like Sam's degree, Dean's job, the weather at Stanford, Cas' job. Not once did Sam talk about their father and his death. He knew it was still an open wound in Dean's heart, which his younger brother chose not to salt. He also sent some pictures. From what Dean has seen, little Sammy grew to be a grown, you might even say overgrown, man. But he had never actually spoken of returning to Lawrence.

At least not until two weeks ago.

Actually, Dean wondered if he was going bonkers enough to have forgotten Sam's birthday. But it wasn't like that. His brother asked him if he could move back into their family home. The first ten minutes, the elder Winchester couldn't even comprehend what he had heard. Sam was coming back. After having had that enormous fight with his father about him running away from the family business to study law … he was still coming back. Genuinely happy about it, he said that, of course it was okay, he was living with Cas in their own apartment for three years, so, technically, it was possible.

And then his brother dropped the bomb.

_Oh, and I'm bringing my girlfriend, Jessica, with me._

And here he was now, two weeks later, invited to his own family house by Sam and his girlfriend for a dinner. He hadn't met the girl yet. Nor Sam. His brother had said something about needing time to move things, furniture and stuff like that. Frankly, Dean didn't know what to expect from Jessica. Sam, even though he himself was a giant with an enormously good heart, was a bad chick magnet all the way. Dean still remembered that nutjob, Ruby Carver, his brother's high school crush. He could barely stand her, let alone be friends with her. Thank God, that was over.

Dean hadn't noticed how Cas had appeared from the bathroom, calm blue eyes fixed on him. He felt as if he were being x-rayed. As if Cas could read his thoughts.

'You don't have to worry.' His boyfriend said. 'This isn't some stranger. It's your brother.'

'How did you-'

'Don't underestimate me.' Castiel grinned 'It's written all over your face.'

'Well, I-' guess there was no use pretending. 'I've never been very keen on all this "Meet the Fockers" stuff.'

'You can hardly say we're the Fockers, Dean.'

'Well, you kind of look like Adam Sandler to me.'

'I'm more of the Robert de Niro type.' Cas winked.

'Nah,' Dean said, grabbing his lover's waist and pulling him towards his body 'you're so much sexier than de Niro.'

A spark appeared in the oceans of blue that Dean immediately recognized. He planted a soft kiss on Castiel's lips, the other man leaned into him, lazily letting his tongue explore Dean's mouth. Dean was just about to suggest that they call off the dinner and spend the rest of the evening in bed, when Cas pulled away, smiling widely.

'I would love to do this all night, baby,' he purred into his lover's ear. 'but we should really go. Sam and Jessica will be waiting for us.'

Dean grunted, letting go of Castiel, as he watched him re-button his plaid shirt. When had Dean unbuttoned it anyway? His hands seemed to work by reflex now when they'd get anywhere close near Cas' body.

'Okay, I'm ready.'

'Finally.'

'Oh, shut it.'

_Oh, God. _Dean thought, _We sound just like a married couple._

Truth be told, it wasn't far from reality. Moving in to live with Cas seemed the logical thing to do, because, after all, they've been dating since they were sixteen. Even at that age, Dean couldn't imagine his life with someone else. It was just like a book he's already read, but had to finish – he knew the beginning and the main plot points, but the grand finale was up to him. He liked to plan things. Which got him disappointed almost every time. But not with Castiel. Sure, like every other couple, they've had their fights. They weren't perfect. But even then they still found ways to each other and it just made their bond stronger. Frankly, if Dean Winchester had to choose one person he'd like to spend all his life with, he wouldn't even think twice.

His choice would always be Castiel Novak.

'Dean?' he heard somewhere in the back of his mind. 'Dean? Are you okay?'

Dean snapped back to reality, just to meet his boyfriend's confused and somewhat worried stare.

'If you want, we can –'

'It's okay. I just got lost in thought.'

'That's a first.' Cas exclaimed and received a playful punch in the shoulder.

'Come on. Don't want to have Sam bitching on our first dinner back together.'

'Aren't you the cutest thing?'

'I am _not _cute.'

'You totally are.'

Dean was going to get back at Cas with some witty reply, when he saw his boyfriend's eyes going slightly darker, his brows furrowed and, suddenly, he swooned at the wall. Dean was quick – he caught his arm and supported him.

'Babe, are you okay?'

Cas, partly using the wall and Dean as support, managed to get back up on his feet.

'Yeah, I'm fine. It's just another headache.'

Castiel's headaches have started again about two months ago. Even though he said it was nothing serious, that he's also had them when he was a kid, he has gone to some doctors, who prescribed him migraine medicine, Dean couldn't help but worry. They've been getting stronger and happening more often now. He made a mental note to make Cas visit another doctor pretty soon.

'Dean,' his lover said, doing his freaky mind-reading trick again, 'let's not go through this again. I'm _fine_. I've just been overworking myself, had a lot of homework to check lately. It's probably my eyes.'

'You should get some glasses then.'

'Why is that?'

' 'Cause you'd look damn sexy in them.'

Castiel blushed adorably.

'I knew it, you always think with your lower head. Come on, let's head out.'

**SHSHSHSHSHSH**

'Led Zeppelin? Are you serious?' Castiel frowned in amusement.

'Don't even go there.'

His boyfriend picked up his arms in defeat. 'All I'm saying is that I find the song kind of cheesy. Also, probably the hippiest song that was ever written in the '70s.'

'_Stairway to Heaven _is a classic, Cas,_' _Dean smiled. 'Besides, I find it kind of poetic.'

'Suit yourself.' Castiel shrugged. 'I still find Deep Purple better.'

Dean smiled. It was those moments that he was truly happy to have Cas to distract his mind from the possibly awkward dinner that was coming ahead. Hell, even if it was for their little music fight. Keeping his eyes to the road, he took the left turn to Sam's house. _Their _house.

'Hey.' He felt a light squeeze on his hand. 'It's going to be okay.'

'I don't know, Cas.' Confessed Dean. 'I mean … I'm not mad at him or anything … hell, I'm the one who helped him do what he wants to do. But why come back?'

'Probably he just wanted to come live in Lawrence again.'

'Why would someone want to be back here? Hell, if I was him, I'd never turn back.'

Just a while after, he understood what he'd just said, as Castiel's face went a shade whiter. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. _

They've had this argument before. How Dean always wanted to escape, to travel the world in his car. He didn't care about the family shop – his uncle Bobby was handling it quite well. Cas, though, Cas was a different thing. He just wasn't ready to ditch everything, his job as a teacher, which Dean knew by fact that he loved, and the life that he had here. He didn't have the strength and courage to leave everything behind. They had a major fight about this back in the day. But Dean knew for sure by then – he couldn't let Cas go. He wouldn't.

'Shit, Cas, I – I didn't mean that –'

'Dean, it's not the time for that now.'

'Oh, come on, babe,' hearing the nickname made his lover's face less tense. 'you know better than others that my bullshit filter is always broken. I honestly didn't mean it to sound like that.'

'But Dean …'

The other man pulled over, turned to his boyfriend and took his hands in his.

'Look at me, Cas.'

Darkened blue eyes met his emerald green.

'I know, I know, Sam had his way out. I said that if I was him, I wouldn't come back. But, Cas, I'm not him. I have something very valuable that he doesn't.'

'What's that?'

'You, you idiot.'

'So –'

'Just trust me. I'm not leaving you, okay? Ever.'

He planted a soft kiss on Cas' lips and immediately felt his lover calming down, the adrenaline floating away from his body. Everything was good. They were good.

'Now, let's go meet that idiot brother of mine.'

**SHSHSHSHSHSH**

Dean killed the '67 Chevy Impala's engine just in front of their old house. He hadn't been here for the past three years. All the memories haunted him like spirits, so he was even too happy to be moving out of it. Still, his brother had done wonders with it. Front lawn mowed, the fences repainted, so were the window frames and the front door. It looked almost as new.

'I'm impressed that Sam managed that for two weeks.' Cas voiced both his and Dean's thoughts as he was coming out of the car.

'Well, you know my brother. Always the cleany-tidy guy. You ready to go?'

'Are you?'

Dean smiled and took Cas' hand in his.

'Now I am.'

They started walking towards the front door, when suddenly it opened and Sam emerged from the inside. _Damn, _Dean thought, _he's really a gigantor. _He was waving at them with that smile on his face Dean had seen on almost every picture he'd received from his brother and smiled too as he embraced his little brother in a big bear hug.

'Good to have you back, bitch.'

'Same to you, jerk.'

Some things just never change. And Dean was quite happy they didn't too.

Sam pulled away, just to give Castiel the same kind of bear hug, which almost crushed his ribs. His brother had always been very fond of Cas and kept repeating that Dean was truly a lucky guy. As if Dean needed someone to tell him that, actually.

Soon after the younger Winchester let Castiel go, a tiny blonde girl shyly came out the front door. The moment he saw her, Dean understood that all his worries were pointless. The girl radiated 'sweet', he could tell even by looking at her. She had light blue eyes and was wearing a T-shirt of the Smurfs. Sam put his hand around her shoulder, beaming happily.

'Guys, this is Jessica, my girlfriend.' He introduced her.

'Nice to meet you, Jessica' said Cas warmly and shook her hand.

'Hello, Jess.' Said Dean. 'I'm Dean, Sammy's brother. And this is my boyfriend, Castiel.'

Yeah, sure, he may have emphasized on the b-word a little. But it was important to see how she accepted him and his sexuality.

To his relief, Jessica didn't even blink at it. She shook Dean's hand, a big smile on her face. 'Nice to meet you, Dean. Sam talks about you all the time.'

With her words, what was left of the elder Winchester's worries completely vanished. He thought that this dinner thing might not be so bad after all.

**SHSHSHSHSHSH**

Dinner went well. They chatted about random things, turned out Jessica was in Sam's international law classes and that was actually where they've met. Made sense why he had failed two of his exams on the same class. She was kind of shy, but still very genuine, very smart and a big literature nerd, so she and Cas spent about an hour and a half talking about their favorite books and authors that Dean has never heard of. He spent this time to catch up with his younger brother – he told him about what has been happening in Lawrence, with the shop, with their friends, their uncle Bobby. Sam was very happy when he found out that Bobby had married Ellen Harvelle, the bartender at the local pub. 'It was about time,' Sam had said. 'He has been eyeing her ever since we were kids.' He, on the other hand, told Dean all about Stanford, how he had passed all of his finals with great scores and he was now an official lawyer. He was planning on opening a bureau in Lawrence, because he was pretty sure that there were no active lawyers here. It wasn't much, but in his words, would help him settle in again.

Dean never asked him why he chose to get back. Sam never raised the topic as well. They were Winchesters after all – they put everything behind their back and just kept going.

By the second hour though, Dean started to notice something was wrong with Castiel.

Sure, he was his usual polite and understanding self. But there were things only the elder Winchester could notice – how his eyes lost some of their gleam, how his brows crinkled from time to time, how his face was getting paler and he was shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Sam and Jess remained pretty oblivious about it, but they didn't know Castiel as well as he did. A few times, his boyfriend, when he was sure the other two weren't watching, shot him worried glances, which meant only one thing: _Can we please go as soon as we can? _Dean doubted that the problem was his brother or his girlfriend – he knew for a fact that Castiel didn't have anything against them. But this kind of behavior was pretty odd and unnatural to him, so Dean could only hope that it was nothing serious and that he'd get his explanation as soon as they were home. So, as the main dish passed and Jess offered them dessert and coffee, he politely turned down the offer.

'Thanks about that, but we have to get home. Cas has to get up early tomorrow, and I have some things to do around the house before I get to work.'

He saw his boyfriend's thankful stare in his peripheral vision and understood that his intuition hadn't misled him.

'Are you sure?' Jess raised her brows in astonishment 'I got some cherry pie for dessert.'

For a moment Dean's mouth watered at the thought of pie, but another look at Castiel's face made him shake his head. 'Nah, we're good. It's getting late already, we should be leaving. We'll make sure to come by at the weekend, that good for you?'

Jess beamed at the offer and Dean smiled back. It was pretty easy to be fond of her.

'I'll just go to the bathroom and we'll be on our way.' Cas smiled weakly. When he saw that smile, Dean got really frightened. Something was terribly wrong. He knew it.

'Second door to the left.' Sam said, also eyeing Castiel with worry. He excused himself and disappeared in the corridor.

'Is he okay?' Jess asked, while cleaning the dishes. 'He hasn't been speaking much.'

'Oh, that's just him.' Dean assured her. 'He's never been much of a talker. Thanks for dinner, Jess. It was great.'

'Yeah, my girl is a great cook.' Sam stated proudly, as he walked over to her and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. She blushed adorably.

'Aww, aren't you two the cutest things.' Dean teased.

'Oh, bite me.'

They continued with their playful bantering for a while and right there, Dean felt like he was really home again. Of course, Cas and their apartment was home as well. This one here, though, held a more familiar sense to it, as if he was coming back to his childhood. As much as he wouldn't admit it, he was really glad that his younger brother wasn't halfway through the country anymore. He wondered around, helped Jess clean the dishes, then glanced at his watched and was surprised to notice that Cas has been gone for twenty minutes already.

'I'm just gonna go get that sissy and we'll be going' he smiled and went in the direction of the bathroom. He knocked on the door. 'Cas! Babe, we should really get going.'

No reply. A sense of worry settled into Dean's chest.

'Cas? Are you okay in there? Castiel?'

He turned the doorknob, but the door was locked from the inside. Now the worry was replaced by sheer panic.

'Cas?'

Sam and Jess, having heard Dean shouting and banging on the door were there in a heartbeat.

'What's wrong?'

'He's been in there too long … I –'

'Stand back.' Sam said and crashed the door with his leg. Thank God for his enormous size.

Dean rushed in and thought he was gonna black out right there and then.

Castiel was on the floor in front of the sink, his eyes closed, face was white as a chalk. Sam and Jess also came in, but the elder Winchester was already next to his lover, checking his pulse and breathing. They were there. Faint, but there.

'I'll call the ambulance.' Jess said and Dean made a mental note for thanking her for not panicking.

'Hurry.' He just managed to say, as he lifted Castiel's body to him. 'Cas … Cas, please, come on, open your eyes. Cas.'

Sam tried to say something, but Dean didn't even hear him. He prayed silently that the paramedics would get here as soon as possible.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Thank you so much for the feedback, here is chapter two.

_Chapter 2_

The ambulance's siren broke the nightly silence as it screeched to a halt in front of the house, which used to belong to John and Mary Winchester. Sam was on the front lawn, signaling them that this was, indeed, the right place. The paramedics pulled out a stretcher and approached the man.

'Quick, get inside.'

They didn't need to be asked twice.

Dean and Jess had managed to move Castiel on the couch. He was still unconscious, but trembling, slightly feverish. Dean never let go of his hand, repeating 'It's okay, it's gonna be okay, you'll be fine, babe…' He didn't know if he was repeating it to himself or to Cas. Minutes later, the paramedics rushed in, Sam and Jess behind them.

'Would you please step away, sir.' They told Dean, who backed off, while they moved his lover on the stretcher and put an oxygen mask on him, mumbling words that he didn't hear nor understand. When he saw the worried glances they shot each other, he understood that it wasn't something simple or trivial. Dean had the ability to know when people were trying to hide something from him.

'How is –'

'We have to get him to the hospital. There you will be able to speak with a doctor.'

The paramedics started to drive the stretcher out to the ambulance, Dean followed them suit.

'Can I ride with him?'

'I don't think it's advisable, sir.' One of the medics replied.

'But what if he-'

'He won't be awake for the rest of the journey. You can go straight to the hospital.'

Without them saying another word, the ambulance drove off, leaving Dean on Sam's front lawn, staring helplessly at the road. All his limbs felt numb. What the hell had just happened? Flashbacks started flowing furiously through his mind. Him and Cas. Cas making him dinner for their 6-year-anniversary. Cas, gasping beneath him, as he reaches his orgasm and his eyes look like liquid icy fire. Cas, kissing him lazily tonight.

It took a while for him to figure out that a single tear is running down his cheek. He wiped it off, angrily, and felt that Sam was pulling his sleeve.

'Dean, come on, get in the car, I'll drive you.'

Dean looked at his brother's worried face.

'Jess –'

'She'll stay at the house. Dean, come on.'

'But I –'

'Dean, for fuck's sake, I'm definitely _not_ letting you go through this alone as well!'

There was such fury and determination shooting from Sam's eyes that the elder Winchester was scared for a moment. But then his thoughts came back to what was the most important thing to him right now. Get to the hospital. _Get to Cas_.

He slipped into the passenger seat of the Impala, Sam started the engine and they took off in the night.

This was the longest fucking drive in Dean Winchester's life.

He pondered for hours, trying to find out if Castiel has shown any other symptoms, anything that could clue him for what the hell was happening to his lover. As much as he tried, he didn't get anywhere. His knowledge of medicine and diseases was near zero, only that he knew how to treat a flu and a common cold.

'You okay?' Sam's voice came from somewhere in the mist, surrounding him. For no apparent reason, the question made Dean mad.

'No, Sammy, I'm not okay. I'm pretty fuckin' far from 'okay'.'

'Dean –'

'No, you know what? I was just thinking today how I should get him to see a doctor for his headaches.' His voice was shaking now. 'It started at home. He didn't feel okay, he said that his head hurt, we- we should have stayed there, but he wanted to go, said that -'

'Dude! Breathe!' Sam said with a solid voice, which shook Dean away from his panic. ' Don't blame yourself. I'm sure everything will be allright.'

'I'm sorry, Sam.'

'I know you are.'

They didn't speak a word until they arrived at the hospital.

**SHSHSHSHSHSH**

'Castiel Novak?'

'Just a moment.' The girl at the reception said and started tapping on her computer keyboard.

Dean fidgeted nervously, his foot tapping against the floor, pulse banging into his ears. Then he forced himself to calm down and breathe deeply. He was no help to Cas if he were to suffer another panic attack. The receptionist's eyes went back to Dean and she smiled kindly.

'Why don't you take a seat? The doctor will come out shortly and he will speak to you.'

Doctor? He didn't come to see no doctor.

'Where is Cas?'

'Sir, please …'

'Dean,' he heard his brother's voice from behind his shoulder 'let's have a seat.'

With all the strength he could manage, Dean sank into a chair in the hospital's waiting room. Waiting room. Sounded so scary. Dean hated waiting.

'Why can't she tell us anything?'

'Dean, the doctor will be here soon. Just relax.'

No reply.

'Want me to get some coffee?'

A shrug.

The younger Winchester sighed and took the tour to the nearest coffee machine. This was going to be a long night. Dean's eyes followed him, a part of the man wanted to apologize to his brother, but another, sulkier and darker side of him reminded softly, that he didn't have the mental strength to do it. Lord, when had he become such a pussy? He felt as if all life was slowly draining from him, flowing like watercolors an infant had painted over a masterpiece. He didn't even want to think what was going on, why was it going on. The only thought circulating through his head was _Cas. Cas. Cas. Cas. CasCasCasCasCas._

Sam returned after fifteen minutes with his coffee. He had taken two. Dean found it in himself to smile.

'Thanks, Sammy, but I don't feel like drinking coffee right now.' _More like I don't feel I can stomach anything__, _he thought, but didn't say it out loud. Sam shrugged and proceeded to his own cup, while Dean, having to do nothing better, sank into thought again. Merciless flashbacks rushed through his head. The car crash. The doctors in the same hospital, telling him, 'We're very sorry, but …'. His father's funeral. The crashed car. Him, spending hours and hours of repairing it, making sure every single part went to it's rightful place.

And Castiel.

Castiel, dragging him to the house. Letting him break some of his furniture, without a word of complaint. Holding him through the long hours of nightmares.

Now, Dean had the strange feeling of deja-vu.

He just hoped that the turnout wouldn't be the same, he wouldn't be able to live through it this time.

**SHSHSHSHSHSH**

After an hour, which seemed like fucking weeks to Dean, a doctor came out of the clinic, his face sharp, grey eyes looking knowingly behind their glasses. The man recognized him immediately – it was Joshua Atkins, the same person who had taken his father in. Sam had dozed off in his chair, even though he ended up drinking Dean's coffee as well.

'Dean?' doctor Atkins approached him, stretching his hand for a handshake. 'Long time no see, boy. And I guess it's for the better.'

The elder Winchester, though, didn't have any time for small talk.

'How is he? Can I see him?'

The doctor's grey eyes went a shade darker.

'Follow me.'

Without bothering to wake Sam up, Dean rushed at the clinic door after the doctor.

'I'm sorry about the delay, m'boy.' Atkins was talking, while walking. 'I had to run some tests, just to be sure of the diagnosis.'

'What is it? Is he okay?'

'We can talk about this later. I still have to examine some of the results, before I give out my opinion.' The doctor's voice sounded kind of gravely, but Dean noticed he made his best effort to hide it. Uh-oh. This wasn't anything good. 'But the more important thing is that he's now awake and he wants to see you.'

They paused in front of Room 167.

Dean may not have known it then, but actually, this number would change his life.

'I gave him a single room. I know he's kinda shy.' Doctor Atkins winked. 'Go on, kiddo. Go see your boy.'

Joshua Atkins has been Dean and Cas' doctor ever since they were children. Of course, he knew all about them two.

And he was one of the few people who understood that and didn't react immediately with hate.

Dean wondered what to say, then gave up, mumbled a 'thank you' and opened the door.

**SHSHSHSHSHSH**

As soon as he walked into the room, he was greeted with a tired smile, but the ever-gleaming blue eyes, shining from under that black mop of hair.

'Why, hello there, young gentleman.' Cas smirked.

A new wave of worry hit Dean as he saw his lover in a hospital gown, wired to some systems, which were probably hydrating him. And he seemed … weary. _Sick._

He rushed to Castiel's bed and hugged him tightly, not bothering that he was totally chick-flicking right now. Cas, though, didn't say a word, just wrapped his arms around Dean and they stayed like that for a couple of minutes.

'God, babe –'

'I know, Dean.'

He let him go, but it was only a moment before their lips crashed together, Dean breathing desperately into his lover's mouth and grabbing a hold of his hair. Cas' slim and long fingers rubbed smooth circles over Dean's back. They could have stayed like this forever, but they had to break apart, gasping for air. The Winchester pulled a chair by the bed, not letting go of his boyfriend's hand. Castiel didn't ask. They both knew that whatever anyone would say, Dean would be staying here.

'What happened, Cas?'

'I – I don't know.' Castiel confessed, his brows furrowing again. Dean had learned to guess by that that he was in pain. 'I just remember the horrible headache, that I went to the bathroom to splash some water on my face, and then … lights out. Woke up here.'

'The doctor didn't tell me anything –'

'Yeah, me neither.' Cas frowned for a moment. 'He just told me I had to spend the night here, just in case.'

Their conversation was interrupted by Sam, who basically flew in through the door.

'Cas!' he rushed over to the bed and hugged his friend. 'I'm so happy that everything's okay.'

'Thank you too, Sam.' Castiel blushed a little. 'Tell Jess I'm sorry that I failed her dinner.'

'It's okay dude, just … just get better, okay?' The younger Winchester forced a smile. This immediately rang the alarm bells in Dean's mind.

'Sam, is something wrong?'

'What … no … I – I'm just tired.' He blurted out, but his brother could clearly see the lie. 'I'm going to go home now, calm Jess down, she's probably freaking out. We'll come tomorrow to see you, okay?'

Without even waiting for confirmation, he flew his way back through the door. Cas turned his head to Dean, doing his head-tilt thing, the one he always did when he couldn't understand something.

'Why was he in such a hurry?'

'Probably just wanted to go back home.' Dean flushed down his worries. He was sure that, whatever it was, Sam would tell him. Just not right now.

**SHSHSHSHSHSH**

Cas was fast asleep about forty minutes after Sam had left. Well, not before Dean promised him that he would be there when he wakes up.

He knew that this whole hospital thing scared the shit out of Castiel. His mother had died when he was sixteen and he had spent quite a lot time taking care of her. Dean could see very well how this whole thing affected him.

But what he admired most was how his boyfriend took it all without even a whimper.

Remembering the wreck that Dean's mind was after his father's death…he worshipped Cas for this more than anything.

It was about an hour since Cas was sleeping restlessly, murmuring something in his dream, when a light knock on the door attracted Dean's attention. A young nurse popped in.

'Rounds?'

'Sure.'

She came in quietly not to wake the sleeping man and checked his systems.

'Are you Dean Winchester?' she asked.

The man nodded.

'Doctor Atkins said he wanted to speak to you in his office. It's room 341.'

Dean shot a quick glance at Cas' bed.

'But I –'

'Don't worry.' She smiled kindly. 'This is my last round. I'll be watching over him until you come back.'

He shot her a thankful glance and went to the said room.

When he reached it, he knocked slightly and came in. Doctor Atkins was behind his desk, his brows furrowed above the glasses, grey eyes scanning through different documents, which Dean vaguely recognized as X-ray photos.

'Doc –'

'Ah, Dean. Please, have a seat.'

He was just about to protest about leaving Cas alone, when he remembered, that probably the doctor would shed some light on his lover's condition. Dean sank into the chair. Judging by the doctor's face, the news were anything but good.

'Dean, I've been looking at those X-rays all night and, frankly, I _do _have a potential diagnosis, but I have to make su –'

'Doctor.' Dean interrupted him abruptly. 'I'm tired of all this lack of information. I have to know what's wrong with him, or what you think is wrong with him, or whatever, okay? I can't just sit in the dark anymore like that.'

'Okay, my boy, just calm down. Look, I shared my differential diagnosis with Sam …'

'You told Sam and not me?'

'…_and _we both agreed that we should first check it's authenticity before bothering you.'

Dean's breath hitched in his throat. So it was bad. It was really, really bad.

'First, I have to ask you … Dean, has Castiel suffered from disorientation? Has he complained about nausea? Does he often have mood swings, instant change in personality?'

'I –' Dean focused on the questions, hard. Sure, Cas sometimes complained about feeling sick, he even remembered him vomiting in the bathroom once, when Dean mocked him about being pregnant. They'd both thought that it was something he'd eaten or drank and didn't talk about it. The Winchester hadn't noticed it happening again. _But that doesn't mean it didn't, _a tiny voice in his head whispered.

'He did feel sick once and he has been kinda ill-tempered at times, but I haven't noticed –'

The doctor's gravely face made himself feel nauseous with fear.

'Doc -, Joshua, what's wrong?'

'What do you see?'

He handed him over the X-ray photos he had been looking at just now. It was a photo of a human brain, even Dean with his low knowledge of biology could make that out.

A human brain with a dark spot just at the frontal lobe.

'Doctor –'

'This is Castiel's MRI scan.' Atkins answered the unfinished question. 'First I thought it was a mistake. A blur. I repeated it. Then repeated it again. That's why it took so long for you to see him.'

Maybe he knew it, maybe he didn't, but with his next words, doctor Joshua Atkins took Dean Winchester's world and shattered it to little, sharp pieces.

'Dean, Castiel has a brain tumor.'

**A/N again: **BAM! Cliffhanger.

So, what wanted to say was that I wanted to write especially this fic, because people I love have struggled and lost their fight with cancer. My story may not be exactly medically accurate, because I have no knowledge of medicine whatsoever and all I've used for facts is Wikipedia, but I'm doing this for them and all other people, struggling with this disease.

R&R and stay tuned for chapter 3.


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